Published December 10, 2006
“Babel”
I fly above the men below
Who’s backs all bend with years of woe.
I warn them they should build no more,
I cry for them while high I soar.
And yet the men work straight on through
While Heaven’s anger starts to brew.
So once again I send my word
But I don’t think that I’ve been heard.
Or maybe yes, but they know naught
As now the tower starts to rot.
It’s too late now, for though they heard
Man cannot understand my word.
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I really, really -really- like this part
For the simple fact, that this is pretty much the -only- verse where the rhyme doesn't sound forced, and laborously written. No offence.
Babel sounds familiar...but, not very, and not by very much either. Could be but a fleeting fancy of mine so....yeah.
Other than the slightly forced rhyme, which I feel it would do better if you let things just ...go with the flow as it were, I think it would work better as blank verse (no rhyming, essentially) but then that's just me.
Cheers
~Chibi
Great poem! I really liked it...I love the references. Great work!
"So high, in my, lovely ivory tower of Babel. Babble, babble... etc" - Godspell. Woo!
Sorry. I've nothing constructive to say right this second...